Old clothes/new clothes

As I’ve lost weight and my body changed I have gotten rid of a few pieces of clothing. Mostly an item or two that I didn’t really wear anyway. And they were just to throw on a donation pile filled with other household stuff of my kids’ outgrown clothes.

I haven’t done a big purge. But this is it. Today I halved the clothes in my closet. This pile contains my favs, my go-to outfits, my best clothes. It also contains some items I optimistically bought when they didn’t fit me yet but now are too big! Hopefully they’ll help somebody else via my donation to the local charity second-hand store.

Why didn’t I do this sooner? I had fantasies of losing weight and going on a shopping spree for fashionable, smaller clothing. But I think it takes time to come to terms with a new reality. Losing 40lbs and being in the smallest size since high school (or before!) is quite the new reality. Plus our family isn’t flush with funds at the moment and new clothes cost serious cash. I’ll definitely be browsing that thrift store for myself after I make my donation.

I encountered a bigger mental block about clothes. Probably should have been expected but I didn’t prepare – not do I think I really could have prepared. I was set in my ways for years and had lots of deep-rooted behaviors around clothes and style due to my size. Instead of automatically going for the largest size, I now have to try items to find the right fit. Instead of assuming nothing in certain stores fit me I can shop pretty much anywhere. Heck, I would get undergarments from plus-size specialty stores. I didn’t recognize how big I’d gotten. And it took me a while to recognize how far I’ve come with my changes. To be honest it’s an ongoing process, isn’t it.

But purging these clothes will be a giant step in the right direction. As will getting some new duds that actually fit and make me feel fabulous. Listen, I know size and clothes aren’t everything. But they make up who we are, show our style, and they can help especially after a long (and ongoing) journey.

Weight update

It’s rewarding to check in and acknowledge accomplishments. Losing weight has been a great side affect of getting healthier by following a ketogenic lifestyle. I’ve been living this way for just over a year. And I’ve lost 40lbs.

But my insecurities and deep-rooted body issues often prevent me from seeing this as a ‘win’. I think, others have lost more in a shorter period of time. Or, I’m stalled so maybe this is where I’ll stay. My lifestyle is not about the weight but that is a huge part of our identities, isn’t it? Being overweight shaped my reality for as long as I can remember. And now I’m technically not overweight anymore. I had to buy new clothes. I got rid of all my underwear for new ones. Heck, I even had to get new glasses because my regular ones were falling off my face. I’ve not just lost weight; my body shape changed and is changing. In my head on most days though I’m still overweight.

Then this happened: my 4yo daughter jokingly stepped on my scale and asked what’s her number. Now I’m careful about scale talk, weight watching, or body comments around my kids. I know the seeds of unhealthy eating and self-imagine are often planted early. My daughter was Ted to know though and she has no concept of those numbers yet.

I looked down and said 42. She is 42lbs. I can barely lift her up for hugs anymore. She’s growing like a weed! Then it hit me…she weighs approximately as much as the amount of weight I lost. I was carrying around that weight. The equivalent to a four year old kid.

I think of that moment when I’m not feeling confident or am discouraged. I know keto has many other benefits but the weight loss is a big one. And I need to recognize that and celebrate it.